Classic cult movie Harold and Kumar go to White Castle has a lot to answer for.
I’d like to present the worst thing I’ve eaten in New York, correction the worst thing I’ve ever put in my mouth, ever: Three White Castle sliders and a sack of onion rings.
After a simple and elegant meal of mussels Provençal at Bar Tabac in Brooklyn accompanied by a bottle of crisp Muscadet we made the primary mistake of going on to a pub with a few friends.
We were on our way back to the metro with JewishJerseyGirl and her fiance Mordestein when Stacker spotted the White Castle. In fact he’d noticed it on the map earlier and the urge to experience the mini burgers, called sliders, that Harold and Kumar had craved so much was lurking in the back of his mind all evening. To his bitter disappointment though, the White Castle was closed.
Suddenly Mordestein perks up and declares we need to hit the only other White Castle he knows of.. back in Manhattan and about half the island away from where any of us live. All sense of reason left behind in the Black Sheep Pub we compound the poor judgements of the evening by following Mordestein onto the A train. We emerge to find the mid town White Castle very much open and at this point we’re still oblivious to what will come. It’s fast food, yes it will be bad, but how bad could it really be?
“Be quick,” says Mordestein as we sit down to eat, “the clock starts ticking as soon as you start eating.”
As soon as I do take that first bite I can’t help but start laughing uncontrollably and suddenly I know exactly what he means. It is so ludicrously disgusting, so ridiculously soggy and hilarious. It is all I can do to choke down the laughter along with those thin greasy flaps of quote-unquote “meat”. The onion rings aren’t any better: they’re even less onion-y than the meat is meat-y. There is in fact no recognisable piece of onion in them, they’re just sticky little onion-flavoured donuts!
The next day, tasting craft beers on a sail boat, the horror of the night before is still making it’s presence known in the form of general stomach-based malaise. After explaining our predicament to JenNouvelle and our fellow booze cruisers, one of them tells us the story of a wedding she went to where the bride paid the several thousand dollar fee required to bring external food into the Marriott, just to provide the guests with White Castle’s finest.
Stomach-turning stories about the iconic sliders abound. If you dare, here is the story of someone who battered and deep fried the little suckers!
Well, we tried, but the general consensus is we’re not sure what Harold and Kumar were so hungry for. Clearly we were missing the all important green ingredient that kicked off their night…
I do apologise if by sharing this story I’ve put you off your next meal. After some consideration, perhaps White Castle is in fact a pioneer, saving the world by turning us all into vegetarians, one mouth-violating burger at a time..